Aeryun's Thoughts...

So, I'm going to take today to bitch about writing, with a dessert recipe chaser. :)

I entered fandom late, like after OotP came out late. I had no idea there were fandoms out there, or what fanfiction was. A friend talked me into reading this, as she put it, really amazing story. I'm not sure I can agree with her opinion of the story, but I will always be happy I read it. (cannot say that about all the stuff that has been recommended to me to read) A little known epic, A Year Like No Other was my introduction to all things fandom and fanfiction. It also introduced me to a longing I had with the canon story, one that I could not name before reading this fic. Harry needed someone there for him, not just using him, but someone there to help him keep things together. And yes, what better person to do that than someone who was just as used and had been through everything Harry was heading for? Severus Snape. I wish I could say that I was one of the ones that saw through JKR's hate of all things Snape, but unfortunately (or fortunately, I'm not sure which would have been better in the end) I was blinded by what I like to call "Author knows best so follow along blindly". If for nothing else, I have to thank Aspen for removing those blinders. (even if Draco has taken over the story. *shudders*)

I spent a good year devouring all things Severitus, mentor, adoption. As long as it was Severus taking care of Harry, I was in heaven. Then, this other little know fic, Blood Magic. I hemmed and hawed over Severus' and Remus' relationship. Missy had to coach me through it. I had no idea what slash was. Needless to say, a second set of blinders got removed after that story. So, I then spent another year or so devouring all things Snarry. (ok, so I'm still eating through it like there is no tomorrow. But that's not got anything to do with me writing...or not much at this point. LOL)

Sometime during those years, Missy started writing Fanfiction herself, and being the best friend I am, I gladly beta'd for her. (Even if she was writing OFCs and Het) I think it took me another year to work up the courage to write something myself. Then, a bunny bit and would not let go. It was a Severitus, and it started out as my wanting to try and see how much I had gotten right with what I thought would happen in book seven. After said book, it turned into me trying to fix what I, and several in my family, considered a disaster of a book.

When I first started writing it, it was like I could never stop. I was writing all the time. Laundry piled up. A few dinners got burnt. I turned out the first 10 to 15 chapters in record time. Then, I had a pissy husband and muse and slowed down a bit. In the end it took about 2 years from my frist chapter posted to complete the story. ( I learned the hard way not to argue with your Muse. No matter how much you do not like the idea, write it anyway. If you still really don't like it, at least you have it out and can possibly tweak it, if not change it completely.) Well, I've pretty much been stalled since the end of MM. I've had two really good bunnies come by and nibble on me. But they haven't stuck around for long. And I have never experienced that feeling I had with the first chapters of MM.

I've looked at fests, and some of them where very interesting. But I've also seen and heard what is done to people who can't fulfil their end of the bargains, and just don't feel it's worth it. I don't think public humiliation is the way to deal with anyone. (I understand that the Mods are put in a tough situation with exchange fests. I'm not even going to debate that.) So, I had pretty much stayed away from fests completely. The the Snarry-a-thon was born, and I found a fest I could participate in with all my heart. Until I ended up spending most of the time in Greece waiting for idiot doctors to get their heads out of their asses and do a simple (turned out to be not so simple) transfer. So, there went my participation for writing for that. I did faithfully read just about every entry. I have written for BBtP Challenge for two years. But both of those were very short ficlets, and not very good IMHO. (Missy disagrees, but I say she is biased)

Then Accioslash posted about another no fuss, no stress fest...The Mini_Fest. I looked into it and went "Hey, I can do that!" So, I signed up. (now we get to what all this has been leading up to. why I feel the need to bitch about my writing) I've procrastinated, and dealt with life as it's smacked me Gibbs style, and yet I've still gotten a little written. And I actually love the idea. Yet, I can't seem to go any further than the start. It's written in narrative, and now it seems like everything I want to write is in dialog. Why can't I just stick to one damned style? Why is writing all of a sudden a chore? Where did that feeling of accomplishment go? And it's not just this fest fic. It's all writing. I pretty much had to make myself finish MM, as I refuse to have an abandoned fic. I would seriously love to know what in me changed to make writing such a pain to do. I do know part of it. I read entries from people bashing writers for SPaG errors, misused words, and for writing something they know nothing about, and virtually raise my hands and then ask myself why I'd want to put myself through such scrutiny and abuse. I had enough of that crap in school, why deal with it as a 30 something adult? But, that's not all of it. I read Well Known Authors stories and see those same errors and know that no one is perfect. I know this is done for fun, at least for me. (I don't want to write for money, that would take every last drop of fun from reading and writing) So, what else is keeping me held back, and how the hell do I fix it? I've grown because of fanfiction. Yes, that is true. My vocabulary, punctuation use, and several other areas have improved greatly. And most of all, what I had though of as an already pretty open mind, has been expanded tenfold. (I'm still a Taurus, and a full out Slytherin, so keep that in mind when dealing with me. LOL) So, how do I go about fixing whatever broke along the way?

Now, for the dessert chaser. :D

I got this, Better-Than-Almost-Anything Cake, in an email the other day. And figured I'd get the stuff to try it, while I was out getting what I had forgotten I needed for the pasta I posted about yesterday. I did everything in the directions, except on the cake I made to put the hot fudge topping on, I added enough heavy cream to the topping to make it pourable. Oh, did I mention I made two cakes? One hot fudge, and one caramel? No, Bad Jennifer! Yes, I made two. And they are both pretty damned good, and I don't like caramel. So, I suggest you try them. YUM!!!!! :D